Dear the ONE,

You love counting. It’s in your blood. Your life’s passion is to count to a billion. But can you do it? Of course you can! You’re the ONE.

If you can count 2 every second, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, 50 weeks a year for 69.4 years; then if you can just hang on for another 2 weeks 1 day 53 min and 20s, you did it! That’s possible. Except how did you do it? Did you just count to a hundred, 10 million times? That wouldn’t feel right would it? When you’re done you don’t want to be in doubt about whether you just did what you think you did. If you say all of the numbers though, then you’re covered for sure. Imagine “Nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine-million-nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine-thousand-nine-hundred-and-ninety-nine…(the greatest feeling, single moment in the history of mankind)…” ya.

That’s a lot of syllables. More than a billion anyway. How many you ask? Well, I think there are 18,696,192,003. That is assuming you don’t say the “-and-“s, can say seven just as fast as sevn, and to feel right about eleven you take the full 3 syllables. Somebody, please, check my numbers.

So, if you count 2 syllables every second, 8 hours a day etc etc for, well, very nearly 13 centuries you’ll be dead. You need to step up your game. You’re the ONE! With a little practice you can easily count 12 distinct syllables every second, push it out to 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, while keeping your 2 week vacation at 50 weeks a year for 120.2 years 5 days 2 hrs 13 min and 20.25s. Unbelievable. You’d have to have started when you were 2 and you’d have to be Jeanne Calment, the only person in recorded history to have been confirmed to live past 122 years old. So I’m telling you there’s a chance. You can do it.

Now, when you’re done, if I’m still alive, come see me and I’ll ask you if you started at 0 or 1. If you’re a techy kind of person you’ll finally realize what that nagging doubt was in the back of your mind that you’ve been suppressing for the past 122 years.

I believe in you,
Benjamin Boyd