The Schtick Comic #44 – Unnecessary Solutions

Dobar dan!

Apparently that is how you say “good afternoon” in Bosnian.  It isn’t exactly still afternoon right now but that is too good to pass up.

I want to wish my Father a better than happy Father’s Day.  Today’s comic is dedicated to new Father’s-to-be everywhere.

About today’s comic:

If you don’t get the “Solution (boy)” part it might help to talk it over with a Scotsman, a Dutchman and an Englishman or of course you could talk it over with me, a Scotsman/Englishman/Irishman/German/Swede.

I titled this one Unnecessary Solutions 1.  Implication, there are more to come.  Reality, there are no more Unnecessary Solutions in the works.  If you happen to have any “problems” that aren’t really problems and don’t really need any solutions, feel free to send them my way.  I will provide Unnecessary Solutions for you free of charge.

Kids are creative when it comes to making fun of someone’s name they don’t like.  You can save your kid some hassle by either giving them genes strong in the areas of fast growth, largeness of frame, quick wits, and social skills or alternately you can mitigate some of the potential damage by making your child’s name hard to rhyme with.  You can check out Wikipedia for a list of unrhymable words in the English language.  There is also a nice list of words with only obscure words that rhyme with them; which is nearly just as good.  Here are some interesting ones I ran across for a girl:

Circle – What she’ll keep you running in

Purple (not recommended) – Officially only rhymes with a word unknown to small children, “curple”, the hindquarters of a horse or donkey, and unofficially rhymes with a word unknown to the English dictionary, “nurple”, unfortunately a word commonly used with purple.

Orange – Technically does rhyme with “Blorenge”, a hill in Wales, but I think you are probably safe with this one.

Kirsch (or Kirscha maybe?) – A black cherry drink

Music – Nice feminine implications but doesn’t actually sound very nice now that I think about it.  “Nice to meet you.  My name is George Major and this is my daughter, Music Major.”

Woman – the perfect name for a female in many ways but probably a bit premature for a child, though if you can tough it out until she reaches maturity this would be a great name for any woman.  Woman (your last name here). How does it sound?  Pretty awesome I bet.

Silver – Not bad, not bad.

There are others.  I’m sure you will come up with something lovely.

About the last three comics:

A few people were confused.  I once said to myself, “Wouldn’t it be funny if the man who is always wrong were to say, ‘Don’t worry. Its not the end of the World.'”  So I wrote it down with all of my other comic ideas.  Every time I go to make a comic I look through all my ideas until one pops out at me and I run with it.  I’ve passed that one over many times because that statement isn’t all that funny by itself.  I decided it needed a lead up.  Comic #41 is just a silly conversation.  Comic #42 is me trying to come up with questions that you could ask someone that it would be impossible to answer wrong.  Comic #43 is the joke that I wrote down as an idea so long ago except it still wasn’t all that funny by itself so I let my mind wander a bit and the mini stick man sitting on a finger happened.  Just in case you were wondering, it is a normal sized flower and finger with a mini-stick man and not a giant finger with a normal sized stick man.

Enough. I say good day,



The Schtick Comic #43 – Panzer Jones Picnic


That’s right.  Three comics in one day. A new world record.  Maybe.  I hope it is.

You are probably thinking that there is no way that a little girl spilling jello on the ground could possibly cause the end of the world.  I thought about that.  There is a way.  It involves a stolen wireless red button clumsily dropped by a passing international man of mystery, among other things.  This is extremely unlikely though.  Maybe Panzer Jones isn’t always always wrong.  The odds of the end of the world occurring at the end of this comic are = really really high odds of him being wrong X really really low odds of spilled jello causing any real damage to the globe.  Where is a life insurance actuary when you need one?

Side Note: If I am ever given a baby racing horse for free, sired by the great P______ that hasn’t been named yet, I’m definitely going with Ponzi Scheme or Panzer Jones.  A coin toss will decide the matter.

I hope you all have a particularly lovely day.  I’m going to.

The Schtick Comic #42 – Panzer Jones Quizzed

Hello hello hello,

See if you can answer those questions without being right.

You are wondering if this guy ever got a date.  How does he even get by in every day ordinary life?  I’m not sure.  I like to think of him as not stupid, just always wrong.  Luckily there are some women in the world who wouldn’t know the difference between this guy and any other guy.  You know what I’m saying.  My wife is not such a woman.  She may think that I’m a little arrogant every once in a while and maybe a tad forgetful on occasion but she knows that I am not always wrong.

Wait for it…