Jambo (Swahili greeting),
Retarded = relatively slow in mental or emotional or physical development (synonyms: unintelligent, stupid). A perfect fit for this joke I would say.
Here is another bonus retarded joke:
Joke teller: Do you want to hear a dirty joke? (Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t. It doesn’t matter. There is no way to halt the telling of this joke.) X number of white horses fell in the mud.
To joke teller: Did they? Well, that’s not a dirty joke. That’s dirty horses. Let me know when you can tell the difference and I’ll consider speaking to you again.
That’s all I’ve got for now. I hope you enjoyed my Retarded Jokes series. Its done. Coming soon, a new series that I call Safety Nut Thrill Seekers.
Intentionally making my online presence known,
Apparently that is what a greeting is according to Wikipedia. I’ve paraphrased slightly. My next greeting will be in Swahili.
As regards the following, a few of you tried. I appreciate that. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Now it seems like a cheap trick and it looks stupid but I’m stuck with it: If anybody can figure out what this sentence is going to say before I finish writing it next time I’ll not finish writing it. You made me do it.
You’ll notice that the second picture of Nixon is a reversed copy of the first. If you thought I was a purist who drew everything with a pencil and didn’t mess with it electronically, you are mistaken. I’m not a purist. I have no rules. I do whatever I feel like doing. In this case I felt like not redrawing Nixon.
Before you start a letter in the future with “Dear” anybody, you should be aware of a few common synonyms that might be unwittingly substituted for the word by your reader, assuming those words to be interchangeable since they are synonyms. Whenever anyone addresses a letter to me in that fashion I immediately start subbing in synonyms at random for common words throughout the piece just to get a little broader meaning out of the message. It makes the letter that much more personal/startling/confusing; just the way I like it.
You may have noticed a recent lack of holiday specific material. That is the way this comic rolls. In my real life I may celebrate a holiday while as a comic writer I may completely ignore it. However, don’t be surprised if you see Thanksgiving material in June or Easter stuff in October. Valentine’s day may pop up any time of the year in the schtick world.
If anybody can figure out what this sentence is going to say before I finish writing it next time I’ll…
Hello again (oops, repeated myself there for a second),
Non-repeated greetings is a “thing” I’m doing, but not a rule. It is 100% dependent on my memory though since I’m not going to be checking up on myself or keeping any kind of a list or anything. And, as I tell my wife every time she tells me “its ok you don’t have to do that”, I don’t HAVE to do anything. Then I add, “I’ll DO whatever I WANT to DO” but that is just to get her going a little bit. It doesn’t work anymore. She’s seen that number quite a few times now. The implication is, of course, that I do what I do because I want to and not because I have to. I’m getting a little off topic here. Not so much though that I’m going to start a new paragraph or anything. Anyways, I will continue to provide an original greeting at the beginning of every message, not guaranteed.
There are a number of retarded jokes in the world. I’m going to make fun of at least two of them. Maybe more someday. Today’s comic is the first in the series.
I know that there are female weather people out there but I am not going to take that into consideration while I write the rest of this email. I hope you don’t mind.
I often wonder how much interpretation the weatherman has to do when relaying the output of the weather models to the public. If the weather model says there will be 29″ of snow does he curb it down a bit to hedge his bets?
“I couldn’t possibly predict 29″ of snow. They’ll laugh at me when we only get 12-16″ of snow. On the other hand, 29″ of snow would make a great story. Everyone will hang on my every word. What to do, what to do! Eeek.”
I’ve often thought that more of our weather than we’d like to know comes from a weatherman’s “good feeling” about something based on the data he gets.
Now, of course this is all pretty much nonsense since I virtually never, nay, literally never watch a weather report on purpose. If it comes up on the radio it goes in one ear and out the other. 0 retention. I couldn’t possibly care any more about the weather than I do about carpet. (carpet was the most boring thing I could think of just now) In reality this comic is based completely on what I hear other people say about weather reports and my own deep seeded personal wish to just once hear a weatherman predict a small herd of dinosaurs. That would totally make my day. I’m so happy just thinking about it. Aaaah…small herd of dinosaurs, ha…
(a few minutes pass)
Don’t mind me. I’m just enjoying the moment.
Sometimes I spend time with my wife instead of writing to you.