The Schtick Comic #36 – Snowman

You know what?

It is getting really difficult for me to start these emails a different way every time.  I will persevere though.  I am not beaten yet.   I will continue to come up with original greetings.

This is the part where I think about what to write to go along with the comic I am sending you.  I am listening to an acappella group right now.  They are pretty good…mm…that was some nice harmony.  I wish they would tone down the human percussionist a bit though.  They probably don’t because then they wouldn’t really need him anymore.  He’s probably their friend so they can’t ditch him.  He’s probably a really nice guy.  He must be if they’re keeping him in the group.  Now I am jealous of this acappella group for two reasons; they sing really well and they have an awesome friend.

Good night,


P.S. I feel self conscious about the semicolon I used in that last paragraph.  It doesn’t seem quite right but I don’t think a comma could do the job and an outright colon seems like too much.  As you already know by now, I’ve left it in.  Normally I would look up basic English grammar online and get it “right” but this time I’d rather write this p.s.  Besides, in the long run grammar is defined by the people that use it, isn’t it?

The Schtick Comic #35 – Wi-Fi

Attention Please,

If babies knew how to use signs, that would be my first pick.  It would be paper thin and extra durable, perfect for use by a baby.  This is the way I see it.  Baby gets hungry, considers crying, instead raises sign, “Attention Please!”  Etc.  I think that would be a big hit with mothers everywhere.

Today’s comic was inspired by a real wireless network name in my neighborhood.  It was there for months.  I always thought if you didn’t know whose network it was and you tried to respond it could get interesting at the next strata meeting if you lived in a townhouse like I do.  You could even have a really slow conversation with you-wouldn’t-know-who via wireless network name.  Miscommunication guaranteed.

The Schtick Comic #34 – SNTS 3: Parachuting

Grandiose greetings,

I learned this week that “greetings” translated into Spanish is “saludos”.  I learned that by myself with google translate.  Then shortly after that I learned that “saludos” is used by at least Mexicans to end correspondence similarly to how we use the word “regards”.  This was troubling to me.  I like the word “greetings”.  I don’t particularly care for the word “regards” as it is used in emails.  Now I find out that via Spanish they are one and the same.  I feel a little betrayed.

Today I had two unusual experiences.

Unusual experience number 1: I called one of our vendors to ask about a Telemecanique part I needed some information on. (Its a company, I don’t know why every time I mention this company name the person I’m talking to says, “What?” like I was stuttering or something.  Its a real company.)  The vendor didn’t know what I was talking about so they gave me the 1-800 phone number from memory for Telemecanique’s tech support so that I could talk to them.  The number ended in 6969.  I thought that a tiny bit of an odd choice for the phone number of a giant industrial electrical parts manufacturing conglomerate and proceeded to call it.  A recorded greeting began to play, “Hello there sexy.”  A little bit of risque advertising from a giant industrial electrical parts manufacturing conglomerate I thought. They are getting creative though these days in the make believe world of marketing.  “You are only moments away from talking to beautiful, sexy women…”  I kind of blanked out a little at that point as I batted wildly at the phone clicky thing on my desk.  Hmmm.  I called the vendor back.  “Sorry, I think I gave you the wrong number.  I checked my book after you called and the number is actually…” (ended in 6699).  He had no idea who he had put me in contact with.  Later I got an email, “…of all the numbers I could have picked, that was the worst possible…”.  Thank you vendor.  You made my day more interesting for which I am sincerely grateful.

Unusual experience number 2: I learned the name of the premier of British Columbia because she visited the company I work for.  We made broad statements suggesting that government could make things easier for businesses and CeeCee (that’s what I’m calling her) made broad statements suggesting that we should all vote for her party sometime.

Brillante Saludos (Scintillating Regards),


The Schtick Comic #33 – Something Funny

Greetings: words to establish intent to communicate.

Now I am going to write a message to you,

I think that the very fact that you have received an email at all should be greeting enough.  Inside the email there isn’t much point to adding another level of greeting.  A greeting should establish the intent to communicate and also how formally you wish to interact with somebody.  I suppose the arrival of an email doesn’t set a level of formality so maybe that doesn’t work.  Well that settles nothing.  Now I don’t know what I think about this.  I bet some of you wish you could unread this paragraph.  Well you can.  Its called time travel and I totally believe it is possible.

Is there anything that doesn’t have something funny about it?  I don’t know the answer to that.  I’m looking into the holocaust to find out.  I’ll let you know what I come up with.